movies i HAVE see

john tucker must die

well, this film really should have died. there is nothing to it. one hottie - jesse metcalfe - and that's about it. 3 girls gang up on this 1 guy because he has been dating them all and they use newbie to make her the "perfect" girl for him to fall in love with and then break his heart. there is so much wrong with this film i dont know where to begin. highlights include the girls giving miguel "estrogen" to make him not bulk up and be a goose... so, immediately... he is missing all his hoops and cant throw... (see, girls are shit at sports) and then... he starts yelling at everyone - basically breaking down throwing a tantrum on the court (see, girls also get really emotional for no reason) anyways... the ending didnt even have a moral or nothing. just a flat boring story with a hottie. i guess that's enough these days.

bring it on - all or nothing

this is the third movie of the franchise. what? there was a second? yeh, and it sucked. this one is so much better. nah, seriously. i was suprised. with lines like... "yo, crouching tiger" (refering to asian chick) and "you got any black in you?" "no..." "want some then?" ewww. but it had some cool dance numbers and some of the humor was pretty down. OMG. IDK. SLUT. LOL. MYGT. huh? (Miss You Guys Too) DUHHH... if you want something really dumb to watch with hotties in skimpy outfits (beyonce's sister) then this is for you. just be warned it is pretty much designed for 11 y.o girls and me when i am feeling like shit.

kidulthood

wow. an impressive debut. it's basically about life in the 21st century for kids in LONDON and all the shit that takes place. set during 1 day period, different kids all belonging to different social groups and stuff have the day off after a classmate commits suicide because she has been bullied so much... (actually, a shitload - you see it on screen) so, instead of mourning the loss of the said girl, they are out, blowing old guys, scoring coke, shopping, robbing, drinking, swearing and pretty much everything in between. what impressed me most about the film was the way it was written and shot... (watch the special feats - really impressive) ... nothing really blew me away in terms of what was shown, but i guess it is a BIG jump from the crap that i had been watching. certainly realistic in its dialogue and relationships... im looking forward to seeing the next movie that this guy does.

ellie parker

this is i think losely based on what naomi watts was going through before she got her role in "mulholland drive" ... it's an actress who has a number of shitty auditions and tonnes of bad luck. that kinda sums it up. shot on video with hand held camcorders, it is pretty funny in parts, she certainly has a lot of talent she does, the scene where her and her friend are trying to see who is the better actress by "the first who can cry" ... is an example of this. mmm it was a little long to be honest, it was only 95 minutes or something, but i think it was much better suited to a short film (which it originally was before she was a star i think) ... but certainly worth a look. although, it wouldnt have gotten any notice had it not been for naomi.

enron - the smartest guys in the room

jeeeeze louise. these guys were clever. spending all that fucking money. and then they got caught. so that isnt so smart. but shit, man, i had no idea just what the whole situation was with them, but it was HUGE.... summink else. so, this docu just talks about the whole situation and talks to former employees and journo's who covered the thing... i dunno, i can't really describe much of them movie because it was so complex. but man was it messed up. watch it. you will be suprised at how much they got away with. or didnt. !!!

road to guantanamo

shit man. life is pretty messed up when innocents get sent to that place. it's the story of 4 pals travelling to IRAQ to get married and party and just chill... unfortunately it's about 2 months after 9/11 happened. (talk about bad timing) ... shot by michael winterbottom who recently did "tristam shandy" and also "in this world" it's all hand-held and told in the docu-drama fashion and it is extremely effective. so crazy all the shit that happens to these people and the conditions that they get put under. and the americans. gosh. it is hard not to think about david hicks who has been there a shitload longer than these guys. mmm i dont really know what else to say about this one, it is a MUST SEE for everyone and certainly makes you think about the way the war was run. impressive acting for all unknowns and the direction is so spot on - it's hard to pick a fault with this mans work. CHECK IT OUT NOW!!!

borat: the cultural learnings of america for make benefit glorious nation of kazakhstan

ohhh god. only because it was cheap day at nova. mmm i dont know really. this movie doesnt really have much of anything really except the laughs. which i didnt really laugh at. most of the lines i saw coming (i had seen heaps of clips and articles which kinda ruined it) and the humor was really un pc. maybe im and old man trapped in someone elses body ... but that didnt explain the 60 yo couple sitting next to me in fits of laughter. he certainly doesnt leave anyone out in making fun of them... everyone gets a good bashing. i have to give sascha baron cohen a big pat on the back for having the balls to do some of the shit that he does.... mmm i really didnt enjoy this as much as everyone else did. but, yeh.... i guess most people will walk away satisfied with what they have watched.

until next time, SHUT UP IN THE CINEMA!