are you naughty or nice?

............................................................wait for it.. ...........................................................it will change any second now... ........... ............................................................. .... push a little harder guys ......................................... BULL SHIT!

you can imagine my disappointment when the effing thing didnt turn neon red. i'm a good person... why not me... and then i turned the effing thing over... i shoulda known...


so, what are you waiting for... go on... call god now!

dear future violent cop viewer

a few weeks back at work, i opened a DVD case and this was inside. (click on image for larger view) - anyways, at first i thought it was a joke review of the movie VIOLENT COP (as seen below) but, after reading it, i thought - this guy is actually serious... hope you laugh as much as i did... .

p.s - you gotta read in a wog-ish i-talian/greek accent

bens book club

probably the best thing on paper i have read. other than da vinci code which is depsite what anyone else says is the work of pure genius!

you've got to be joking right?

well, a couple of days ago now, i went to ballarat for fun times and to see bessie's play. i arrived sunday afternoon and had to hang around for a little bit before the play started ...

i meet bessie's family and watch the play which was brilliant, everyone was excellent and it got me all teary and emo and made me wish i was doing something with my life than stand at a computer at video ezy and type up a blog post.

it was about this incident that happened in brokeback mountain town - wyoming - where some kid got bashed and left for dead for being gay. now... dont get me wrong... we all love the gays. i have said this a number of times.

"infact, i actually said, i dont care how much arse-sex he has i'll ra...."
"right, i'll stop you there"

but, it was about tolerance and love and understanding and accepting and learning and it was so emo and i cried and blah blah blah it was effing brilliant.

so then comes the after party...

where, wait for it... I (ME- BEN CHUAH) practically get accused of being homophobic to a couple of queers... COME ON!!!

ok, stupid joke... but seriously... it was the most fucking dumbest thing i have ever heard. here's how the night went down...

bessie and i were standing at the kitchen window booing and hissing at this "eye-talian" stallian who was dressed up like he was off to the fucking oscars... anyways, he had his i-Pod hooked up to the stereo and he was playing the WORST, the WORST music. i mean, seriously. who wants to dance to "i wish i was a punk rocker" ??? no? thought so... hmm

SO... after a few drinks of bessie's extremely cheap and fucking nasty champagne (which was decorated with some lovely straws) we got a little bitchy and started making some harmless comments such as "you're shit" and "you shouldn't be a DJ" ... and "you're fat" and other stupid things... so, a couple of conga lines later, more drinks and some ice-tub action, i am approached by someone i will call NUTTER (because apparently he is nuts) who, i thought i was on good terms with... but, apparently NOT.

nutter comes up to me and i try to engage in a conversation..

NUTTER - oh, please ... don't even bother ben.
ME - um, oh, come on 'NUTTER'... don't be like that.
NUTTER - no, i'm serious... ok, no, actually, i'd really like to know what your story is ben. i mean, i'm totally confused as to why you think you have the right to behave like you are.
ME - (slightly laughing) i'm sorry... what are you on about?
NUTTER - well, ok... i just really want to why you think you can make fun of people and hurt them the way you are... and, i'm not the only one ok...
ME - what... hang on...
NUTTER - there are several people here that feel your behaviour is totally out of line and infact, is quite damaging to their feelings...
ME - really? who?
NUTTER - no, that really isnt important. but, tell me what i have done to warrant this kind of behaviour from you, because i would really like to know..

WHAT.THE.FUCK???

anyways, i really couldn't be bothered talking to a drunk fairy who is so flamboyant he made me want to set myself on fire... so, i walked off and left him and his fucking side-kick (who works at fucking FRANKSTON SUPRE) to go inside and then give the whole speech to bessie again...

GROW SOME FUCKING BALLS.

long story short, apparently my behaviour was so appauling that i made "fabrizio" and one of his friends leave the party - with his iPod.

NUTTER then took all his CD's saying "goodluck to get some music ben, let's see how you go..." and then, storming off and hiding them so we had a fucking static radio for music for an after party.

so, bessie and i said GOOD RIDDANCE to nutter and his sissy side-kick (you left the course... why are you back hanging on to all the memories) ????

well, that just about sums it up really. i hope bessie and sam and tay and whoever else was there to witness the bastard in all his glory enjoy this post.

this one's for you!!! PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW

pearls of matthew le's wisdom

m?tt says:
for some reason
m?tt says:
i always notice the time
m?tt says:
when its
m?tt says:
10:19
m?tt says:
101.9
ben chuah says:
mmm
m?tt says:
its the time i most notice
ben chuah says:
interesting
m?tt says:
on my fone
m?tt says:
on my computer
ben chuah says:
why is that i wonder?

she is fabulous

check out sarah chu's newly updated website. she has even changed the name of it.

http://sarahsbigspill.blogspot.com

friday night lights

at home (uncles) on a friday night with sarah chuah who is burping after eating a hella spicy noodle soup she made...

last night i had the privlegde of going to a high-school after formal party! it was so fun. i really miss all that lame shit, and seriously everyone there reminded me of people i went to high school with. there was the skanks and mean girls. the film nerds. the jocks. the italian coolio smokers. the gangsters.

this is the biggest half arsed post i have done. watching six feet under and trying to keep warm.

going to ballarat to see bessie's play this weekend... should be a treat - after party and all. fun times.

my name is ben

me- goodafternoon video ezy flemington, ben speaking
you- im sorry, who is this?
me- video ezy flemington
you- ok, cool. yes, sorry, what was your name?
me- ben
you- ken?
me- no, ben.
you- ken.
me- no, ben. b.e.n
you- dan?
me- ben.
you-dan.
me- b. e. n. BEN.
you- sorry, ren.
me- yeh... that'll do. how can i help you.
you- um, yeh, what time do you close?
me- ten pm.
you- ok, do you have the da vinci code?
me- yep. about 30 copies.
you- ok, cool. thank you so much for your help ren.
me- you're welcome! byeeee!

not cool

she loves to be better at paying herself out than i am. and she loves to be willing to spend time to fix my site with her photoshop skills. that is dum though

" "

yes, i'm talking to you "steven pree" if that is your real name. for someone who "loves" to read the "blog" you never seem to leave any "comments" ... not "happy"

thats "all" for "now"

p.s- i realised how many "air quotes" were contained in 1 "sentence"

have you seen this woman?

recently sarah K has been reminding me of ...

Misery written by William Goldman, from the novel by Stephen King

Annie: Anything else I can get for you while I am in town? How about a tiny tape recorder, or how about a homemade pair of writing slippers?

Paul: Annie, what's the matter?

Annie: What's the matter? WHAT'S THE MATTER?! I will tell you "what's the matter!" I go out of my way for you! I do everything to try and make you happy. I feed you, I clean you, I dress you, and what thanks do I get? "Oh, you bought the wrong paper, Anne, I can't write on this paper, Anne!" Well, I'll get your stupid paper but you just better start showing me a little appreciation around here, Mr. MAN! You gotsta write the novel like 'ya sposed'ta!!!!!

p.s- i added the last line. i think it works well though.

morning madness

let me set the scene.

my bedroom (see pic below) time is about 8:57 am ... reading my emails and see FREE al gore tickets are available from 9am onwards for a talk he is doing about global warming.


cut to:

ben leaping out of his chair, rushing to find a phone ala '24' and dialling for 35 FUCKING MINUTES NON-STOP to find out that it has all been sold out.

how inconvenient.

p.s- thanks to steven&sarah who also dialled while i was on the toilet.

my room at the mo - got a webcam!

click for larger image

oh, here they fucking are!

HOT CHOCOLATE

publish. my. fucking. pictures!

my life is chaos at the moment. i just had sarah chu move out and now loredo is here with 5 times the amount of stuff sarah had. hundreds of IKEA dollars later, there is stuff everywhere and more stuff downstairs all over the floor. shoes, shirts, jackets, you name it, we've probably got at least 10 of them.

life has been pretty average lately, that's why there havent been any posts. im sure everyone is getting sick of the pidgeon that has been occuping the prime real estate on my blog, so im going to change that ... with another pidgeon! this one is eating bacon. it's soooo wrong. can't they tell?

well, it's currently 32.8 effing degrees outside, and i cant handle it. im melting. effing like that effing scene in amelie! mmm i just watched the 1st episode of LOST season 3 - not that anyone else knows about it, rob is the only 1 who watches it and doesnt read this shit .... but anyone else, it was pretty cool, you see some really good stuff and the first scene (about 7 mins) is a mind-blower! pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty good. ha ha ha.

another picture just in from the QLD is my mother. now, she is a nutter- we all know this, but these latest pics just confirm she is going to become a crazy cat lady ... look at the eyes of this thing, it really is possessed by the devil...

hang on ... conversation with my mother on msn re: cafe sign on her house...


ben chuah says:
whats with the signs
ben chuah says:
cafe?
vicki says:
i bought it for my new patio
ben chuah says:
how much
vicki says:
it flashes or stays on
vicki says:
how much do u think, u can see it all up the street,we thought ppl might knock on door asking for a latte
ben chuah says:
that is dum
ben chuah says:
how much? cheap?
vicki says:
uno me...

$19.95 from crazy clarks

mmm work has been pretty cool lately, i havent been working too much to be honest ... yesterday sucked big time, i had this really old seedy gay guy that looked like a horse slash the hunchback of notre dame slash a creature from peter jacksons weta workshop was trying to get me to marry him and asking me if i knew what true love is and if i could possible learn to love anyone (himself) and it was grosse. i really have never been more scared/revolted in my life. he wants to come to my wedding and cant wait until i fall in love with myself so i can learn to love others more. as long as i dont marry for money or looks i will be okay. FUCK OFF MISTER! i can get pretty expressive as illustrated in the following pictures.

IN OTHER NEWS

i went to see the departed by scorcese and it was pretty cool... it's so wierd that leo is all grown up now and no more titanic... ahahaha emo ... but it was a fun little film, its about 2 and a half hours long ... lucky i had a foot rest otherwise i woulda been tossing and turning in my seat like i had worms... yeh, the editing and sound was really good, and the shots were quite interesting... and some good perfomances in there too...

IN OTHER MOVIE NEWS...

i recently caught up with that nutter otherwise known as bessie to see a movie @ ACMI that starred one of her drama teachers... i only went because it was free, and not because i wanted to see bessie , because, honestly... once is enough for a year... she is craaaaazy! but, OH JESUS! even jesus himself wouldnt have watched that. he would have said ... "that film is a sin"

the only good thing about that movie was seeing the final credits and the disolving at the end... where do i start? it was shot like a 6 yr old with a handy-cam .... EXTREME!!! close up's .... shaking ... dark, editing was sloppy .... jump-cuts ... zoom in and then shit, i dont have the shot zoom out.... acting was horrible.... bessie's teacher was pretty cool though, he had the voice of big brother ... but man, it was shot in 2 days and it completely showed! despite it being a shit film, i learnt alot .... like, NOT WHAT TO DO kinda film... so, that was okay... but, it was $8 and not free as bessie said it was.... so, GRR to you for that.

afterwards it was time to run around the city with the nutcases from ballarat - bessie, sam and jenna (who is a piggy might i add) so, we went for dinner at our lil vietnamese place ... where we cackled about the olden days - apparently it had been about 3 years since bessie last saw sarah & steven... madness.... and then we had trampoline! which was yumm as it always is... although, as usual i did want to vomit as i ate too much! mmm

my worst nightmare

i was at southern cross station this morning waiting for the train when all of a sudden a pigeon flew down at my feet and started to pick at the 4 chicken bones that were about 2 metres away from me. now, although i was at a close distance - i immediately started to feel totally sick. how could they? i mean, technically they are eating their own kind! WHAT? it's cannibalism! and that wasnt the bad thing ... this bird had this huge growth on it's foot. it looked like a cluster of crunchy-nut and mould and it was the size of 2 maltesers.

i nearly threw up all over the girl next to me.

but i couldnt look away. my face was overwhelmed with disgust and horror as i watched this creature walk/hop/limp from bone to bone of chicken.

possibly the worst experience i have had at a train station.


now onto a bird that i do like ....